Would you like an EKG with that?

I recently went to the doctor. I hadn't been inside a hospital for my own reasons for years; last time I went I reluctantly paid a visit after my cracked rib had been inhibiting my ability to sleep for weeks. I figured I could use a good night's sleep.

This time, my "problem" was a little more nebulous, and wasn't something that I would ever get checked out myself.

I have poor circulation. It's always been like that, and I blame it entirely on my father who occasionally complains of constantly cold feet and hands. In cold weather, it can get unbearable.

However, my local hiking friends were becoming increasingly concerned about this as, over the course of our backpacking relationship, the surface area of the parts of my body that turned blue increased as the temperatures dropped. Sometimes my hands and feet turn into blocks of ice and simply stay that way for hours.

One time after having to sit around in below freezing temps for several hours, waiting for our bus to take us home, I didn't return to normal until 24 hours later. No, really.

So they convinced me to get it checked out.

We met up early on a Tuesday morning and trooped over to the clinic. "They might have to do blood tests", I was warned. "Don't eat or drink anything. Not even coffee!" I complied. Parched and caffeine-deprived, I sat in the waiting room of the clinic waiting for the "expert" to get to work so I could consult with him and he could recommend something.

He got there. We explained. He listened, and nodded. I was handed a piece of paper with a long list of the sorts of tests the clinic can perform: on the left was the test, on the right, the price. There were checkboxes. Oh, hm, okay. Full disclosure? I thought to myself.

Then he said: "So?" So what? Everyone was looking at me expectantly. I looked back at them expectantly. Seeing we were getting nowhere, my friend asked me: "What do you want?"

What do I want? I want my hands and feet to function normally. Barring that, perhaps a little ... guidance? So I pressed the "expert" on what he thought it could be. Wild words started pouring out of his mouth. If you have such-and-such symptoms, it could be rheumatism. If you have this-and-that symptom, it could be a nerve problem in your spinal cord. It could be very serious, you could die. Which battery of tests would you like?

I carefully explained everything again, and pressed him on the symptoms of the very scary health problems he was describing. "You see, that doesn't fit me at all." I patiently explained. I explained from the beginning again, emphasizing the fact that there was a direct relationship to the weather, it wasn't just random numbness.

Seeing he wasn't getting anywhere, he cut me off and said: "Well, do you want any tests or not?" I opted for not. We got ushered out of his office and I left with a strange feeling that I had missed something.

On the way out, I explained to my friends that in the States, the doctor will usually give you frank advice on what they think may be wrong with you, if anything, and will suggest reasonable measures for determining the situation. It is not, I stated, like sitting down with a menu in a restaurant or going shopping for a sweater.

"He should be the professional", I said. "How should I know what tests I need? Doctors should listen to the patient and make recommendations based on what they describe, not try to sell procedures you clearly don't need."

"Well, it's just different in China" was the response. God help me if I ever really get sick in this "different" country. I hope I can guess the procedure I need to cure me and pick the medicine out of a lineup blindfolded.